After what happened in 2012 it’s unlikely that elections in America will ever again be decided by living US citizens who cast one vote apiece… But just in case I ever get commissioned by the GOP to handle their public image, I came up with a list of some catchy campaign slogans for electable candidates like the Bushes, Boehners, Bob Doles, John McCains and Mitt Romneys who are drafted from the abyss establishment as the antithesis to the Democrat thesis in the ongoing Hegelian political theater in America.

Vote RINO! Because we won’t destroy the country quite as fast as the Democrats.

Vote RINO! When it comes to your rights and freedom, you need someone willing to compromise.

RINOS: Snatching defeat from the jaws of victory for generations.

NeoCons: Whining about new usurpations; defending them once they become status quo.

Vote RINO! Because a sheep in wolves’ clothing is preferable to a wolf in sheep’s clothing.

Vote RINO! If you absolutely insist on voting for a non-Democrat, the mass media conglomerates prefer it be for one of us.

NeoCons: Everything in moderation–especially principles and truth.

NeoCons: Yeah, sure: Life; liberty; blah, blah, blah. Don’t get all carried away.

RINOS: Banking on your post-election memory disorder.

NeoCons: We play games with the symptoms, because attacking the root illness is the inexcusable behavior of crackpots.

RINOS: Why insist on a representative, when you can settle for a politician?

Vote NeoCon! Because everything tastes better watered-down.

Vote RINO! When in doubt, sell out.

Vote NeoCon! You need someone in Washington who will cower in the face of evil!

NeoCons: Victory is not an option!

Vote RINO: Appeasement is the new fortitude!

RINOs: Double-crossing you can bank on!

RINOs: A full ten years behind the Democrats’ Marxist schedule!

RINOS: The lesser evil.

“Talks tough!” “Less evil!” “Talks tough!” “Less evil!” (Imagine two factions shouting this back and forth in a bar…or at the polls.)

Vote NeoCon: This turn, we’ll play the good cop.

RINOs: Listen to our rhetoric. Don’t study our voting record.