Contracts & Chaos – Tales from Crann Na Beatha by Joseph L. Wiess

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Contracts & Chaos is probably one of the most bizarre indie sword and sorcery(?) novels I’ve read as of late. This is labeled as Volume 2 of the Tales from Crann Na Beatha but as per the author it represents a totally independent narrative from Volume 1 and can be read on its own.

Why, you then may ask, do I feel like this story contains some bizarre elements? 

Well, the word ‘chaos’ in the title fits well in this instance! First and foremost, women in this world are generally portrayed with a weird touch of harem/Gorean submission narrative. Whether that was intentional of the author or not, we will discuss it in this review and in the comments that you will hopefully drop us.

PLOT:

The story kicks off with a damsel in distress-Heather-literally dropping at the feet of a man she doesn’t even know, begging him to make her his woman (or bond, as per this lore). The man in question is Balgair, a knight-turned-mercenary. Balgair already has two women/bonds waiting for him back at home but he decides that three is better than two so he accepts Heather’s offer. From that point on, Heather’s behavior is about constantly obsessing with pleasing Balgair. And if you think this is an isolated feature of Heather, let me introduce you to Lucy, another girl who is infatuated with Brandyn, the tavern owner, and her obsession with wanting to please this man is no less disturbing than Heather’s!

After rescuing Heather from the evil mage Brigid, the pace seems to slow down a big deal, with Balgair taking Heather to a shop to buy her new clothes and Heather being attacked by the store clerk. 

Aside from the slow pace, dialogue is very wooden and sometimes things just don’t add up. For example, when Heather gets verbally and physically attacked by Katrine the clerk, we read:

 

“The clerk drew her hand back again and sent Heather to the floor with a well-placed slap to the other cheek.”

 

But when Balgair hears the commotion and walks into the shop to rescue Heather, her reply is:

 

“I was looking for a new dress and had found one when I was hit from behind, and that woman was screaming at me.”

 

So was Heather attacked from behind or slapped on the face??

 

Before leaving the store, the goddess Ananke appears to Heather and reveals that she has great potential to become the perfect boireannach, which means a perfect submissive (I kid you not!).

CHARACTERS:

Other secondary (and totally forgettable) characters are Farank and his bond Arien the sorcerer. What’s interesting is that the entire time these two are trying to rescue Balgair and Heather, all Arien seems to do is drool over Balgair:

 

“If you are as strong as your Aura suggests, it’s no wonder your bond fell for you. The voice teased. I’m already bonded, yet I am straining not to run from my master to you. You must be quite a man.”

 

Again, dialogue to me seems quite odd and out of place.

 

Some of the punchlines also completely miss the mark, like when Balgair faces the powerful warrior Yarsmith, and Yarsmith introduces himself:

 

“I suppose I should introduce myself. I am Indigo Yarsmith, and you killed my father.” When Balgair raised his left brow in confusion, Yarsmith laughed. “No, not really, but it sounded good.”

 

But the odd moments don’t end there. While Heather is held captive by evil mage Brigid, she seems frightened, fearing for her life, and doubting that Balgair will make it on time to rescue her. However when he does finally rescue her, all she can say is:

 

“It’s about time you got here. I was so bored”

 

Again, inconsistencies and oddities are aplenty throughout this novel.

 

SEXUALLY EXPLICIT:

Another aspect that I totally did not appreciate is the sexually explicit scene with Balgair and Heather. This is basically X rated, smutty writing at this point and I’m surprised the author didn’t even bother adding a disclaimer or warning sign on Amazon so that those of us who don’t want to read such filth can avoid buying this trash altogether.

 

OTHER ODDITIES:

Another weird and quite annoying technique the author utilizes is showcasing the thoughts in the characters’ minds by separating the text using italic. This is something that could work when it’s isolated to one specific character, but in this book EVERYBODY has their thoughts on display. It could be a minor character who only has a brief appearance in the story and they will have their thoughts on display in italic text. So all of a sudden you have all these sentences in italic from pretty much almost every single character and it  just gets too chaotic.

 

The author also often forgets to open/close quotes which is also another painful feature of this book and suggesting poor editing work as well.

 

CONCLUSIONS: 

I found no redeemable qualities in this novel and the real question is:

Who was this novel written for? I cannot possibly imagine any normal reader feeling excited to read this type of content.

Contracts & Chaos is probably one of the most painful novels I’ve read as of late: poor editing/proof-reading, weak prose, wooden dialogue, and why is it that ALL characters sound like absolute nincompoops? Particularly the exchanges between Balgair and Heather sound like two 12-year-old children speaking. 

The only thing Contracts & Chaos achieved was making me feel slightly dumber by the time I reached the last page!

🦀