Ludicrous Seven

The Fast and the Furious franchise has been better known as “The Lame and the Ludicrous” from the very beginning by people who know anything at all about cars. The machinery on display has grown less and less lame, but the plots and stunts have grown more and more ludicrous.

Not that the audience at large seems to notice or care.

This latest instalment not only ramps up the stunts and special effects, but also the big name actors. Vin Diesel and the Rock are back, of course. Though Paul Walker died before completion, his brothers stood in for him in missing scenes and were digitally altered to fool the eye. And the cast grew with the addition of Jason Statham as the villain and Kurt Russel as a government agent.

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Here’s a plot summary of this film:

Bad guy shows up–angry brother of previous bad guy. He does ee-veel things.

The Rock needs Diesel to put together a crew to stop Statham’s ee-veel.

Race scenes; chase scenes. Diesel confronts Statham. They play chicken. Neither one chickens out. A beautiful car is destroyed. There is a desperate attempt at a memorable line of dialog.

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More chase scenes. Ludicrous stunts. More fine machines destroyed. Another desperate attempt at a memorable line.

The location changes. More chase scenes. Fight scenes. Even more ludicrous stunts. More fine machines destroyed. Another desperate attempt at a memorable line.

The location changes. More chase scenes. Fight scenes. Even more ludicrous stunts. More fine machines destroyed. Another desperate attempt at a memorable line.

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…And so on, until the bad guy is put in a Hulk-holding tank, and there’s a short tribute to Paul Walker.

Since the end of the first flick, it’s become increasingly in-your-face obvious that the normal Hollywood fetish for destroying fine automobiles is multiplied tenfold with the sickos behind this franchise. They destroy them in head-on collisions; they drive them over cliffs; they launch them out of skyscrapers; they throw them at helicopters; and of course, they destroy them in big fiery explosions.

I guess all those “memorable” lines make it worthwhile.

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