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MAN OF SWORDS: THE EMBER NIXIE

(Part 5 of a 6-part Review Series)

by

“You don’t need to do this,” she implored, fretful at the din. “Not for me. I’ve run hands along Brognir’s arms. He’s ogre-built. And my eye if you are seeing straight. He will stove your teeth in. And that would be a shame, for you have nice teeth.” 

 

The 5th tale of Miller’s Man of Swords: The Ember Nixie is certainly the most lighthearted story we’ve read so far in this entire book. It felt appropriate to have a slight change of tone after the very dramatic adventures we’ve experienced so far along with our hero Rohye. No need to constantly sit on the edge of our seat for this one; just enjoy the action, the comedic boxing, and some of that fire brandy people of the Wandered Lands seems to have mistaken for drinking water!

Rohye once again finds himself in trouble, this time over Glory, a girl he has been growing fond of but who’s personal affairs lead him to believe she is in trouble when she’s really not! As a result, Rohye must now enter a sanctioned boxing match, which brings all the townsfolk to the most prestigious gambling den in the region, and where big and small bets are placed for such a fighting event!

This story is FUN! You have:

  1. Rohye who’s pretty much constantly under the effects of an alcoholic beverage known for uhm…impairing judgment? 
  2. You have a gambling town with all sorts of deviant characters out for a profit
  3. You have barkeeps who pretend to mind their business while really being the eyes and ears of the town
  4. You have a damsel (not so much) in distress but who grows to appreciate the chivalry displayed by Rohye

 

I thoroughly enjoyed The Ember Nixie first and foremost because it represents a change of pace from what we’re accustomed to see from these Wandered Lands tales. There’s comedy in it that doesn’t come off as forced or verging into the campy. You have action that is brutal yet not to the killing point (just a few bruises and busted nose!). In the end…well you gotta read it to find out the rest!

🦀

The State of Online Writer/Author Spaces

I quit Farceborg and Twatter cold turkey circa 2013. Never got rid of the Twatter account. Had to dust it off when a friend gave me a lead on a possible artist for a graphic novel project. So I got back on and was surprised to discover there’s some right-wingers tweeting over there. Also a whole lot of authors and some readers.

There must be dozens of writers who host #shamelessselfpromotion threads there. Every single day, it turns out. At first I jumped on, because I could always use new readers, especially for my new series. Now it’s dawning on me that there probably aren’t any readers/buyers who look at any of those threads. It’s like most other thirsty writer spaces–a bunch of tryhards pimping their wares without even reading what others post.

It’s one heck of a reader-friendly market out there. Unfortunately, most of the literature out there is mediocre or worse, written by tradpub wannabes/imitators. And authors seem to outnumber readers by maybe 5-to-1.

I had a group on MeWe but didn’t have the time (or personality) to manage it, and it became one of those shooting galleries for thirsty authors. A ghost town where everybody self-promotes but nobody reads, responds, or even clicks “like” buttons. I didn’t want to have a bunch of rules or be the content cop, but human nature being what it is, I guess that’s what you have to do if you want a quality space with interest, engagement, value, etc.

The book-related groups on Gab (that I’m still a member of) are mostly the same–no conversations, no sharing, just thirsty authors shooting their full auto promotion guns into the ghost town.

In conclusion…just kidding–I don’t have a coherent conclusion.

I suspect a lot of us are Generation X, and even though we are on “social” media, we just can’t overcome our survivalist “look out for #1” mindset.  We’re not networking, or “building relationships,” we’re fishing. And we’ve depleted the fishing hole’s already-shrinking population of literate consumers by inundating them with bait and lures. I guess.

Too bad, It would be nice to have those conversations and take a break from the sellsellsell! mania.

Paradox Chapter 5: Shocked Again

The only reason I got to play Little League that one year was because my father went through a guilty phase that motivated him to pay for it. He even bought me a birthday present that year—an outfielder’s glove.

I hadn’t even been all that excited about baseball. But now I was dying to play football on a real team. I couldn’t bear the thought of waiting until junior high before I could play.

I had already begun to acquire a modicum of self-confidence. It started with those first words of encouragement from Uncle Si. He was quickly becoming the most important person in my life.

He wasn’t easy on me. He pushed me, hard, and almost never accepted excuses. Whenever I grumbled about how sore and tired I was, or voiced any other complaint, he would ask, simply: “What do you want—sympathy?”

My complaints froze in my mouth. I examined my motives for bellyaching, and it was true—I had wanted sympathy. When I realized this, I was ashamed. I attacked my training, driven by the anger with myself, and wouldn’t complain again that day.

But Uncle Si was never cruel or insulting. He believed in me. He said as much. And his actions lined up with his words.

Without my newfound confidence, I probably wouldn’t have asked Mom if I could start Pee-Wee Football that summer.

St. Louis was a big enough city, I was sure there must be a program.

I waited until a commercial before asking her, one night.

She fit her casual dismissal seamlessly in between lighting a cigarette and making a phone call, without missing a beat: “Don’t be silly, Pete. Those things cost money.”

Maybe my father was going through another guilty phase. I would have asked him about Pee-Wee, if I had known how to get hold of him.

I was in a melancholy mood when I trudged into The Warrior’s Lair the next day. When Uncle Si saw me he asked, “Everything okay?”

I didn’t want to lie to my uncle, but I didn’t want to complain either, so I said nothing.

Hey, step in the office for a minute,” he said, cheerily. “Need to talk to you.”

I followed him into the office and we took our respective seats.

I couldn’t help but notice how much you’re into football, lately,” he said.

I’d developed a habit of assuming the worst in most situations, especially when in a bad mood, so even as I nodded, I imagined the next thing out of his mouth would be a reprimand for letting it distract me from my training.

I coach in the Pop Warner League,” he said. “Sign-ups are next month. Think you’d like to play?”

I stared at him wide-eyed.

He waved a hand over the desk. “I know your parents won’t pay for it. No big deal. I can take care of it, if you want to play.”

Are you serious?”

He nodded.

Just like that, my mood went from one extreme to the other. I couldn’t stop thanking him, and it took a while before I calmed down.

Oh yeah,” he said, opening a big drawer in the bottom of his desk. “I got something for you.”

He tossed me a brand new football.

I caught it and looked it over. “Seriously?”

Yup,” he said. “Now you don’t have to depend on other boys to bring a ball when you want to play.”

Thanks Uncle Si,” I said, taking grip on the laces. I felt guilty, like I’d been cheating or something. “I don’t get it. You’ve done all this stuff for me…”

And you appreciate it,” he said. “That’s enough.”

He sent me to the locker room to get dressed for training. When I came out, ready to skip rope, he said, “You’ve been coming along pretty good, so far. I want you to keep practicing everything you’ve learned, and this summer we’ll start working in some kicks.”

UPDATE:  This book is published! Click here to buy on Amazon.

Click here to buy anywhere else.

Paradox Chapter 4: The Football Seed Is Planted

Some boys my age were into sports. My father had paid for me to play Little League once a couple years before, and I had a decent fast ball. But I never had more than a passing interest in sports until that one day at the beauty shop.

I had to tag along with Mom on enough shopping trips and visits to places like jewelry stores, and beauty shops, that I was used to twiddling my thumbs in girly places. But on that particular day, I found a magazine in the waiting area that was not the typical crap about clothes, makeup, hairstyles and relationships. It was a special edition of some sports magazine, dedicated entirely to football. I flipped through it while I waited for Mom, casually looking at the photos.

There were pictures of players in action—throwing, catching, running, hitting, tackling…and big dudes on the line of scrimmage locked in Sumo-like combat, grimacing behind their facemasks from the effort of trying to overpower the other man. There were pictures of injured players being carried off the field. There was one picture of a certain player with a black beard, his helmet pushed back up on his head so that his weary eyes peered out under the lowest bar on his facemask. He was sitting on the sidelines, sweat streaking down his face, evidently waiting for his turn to go back out on the field.

The field of battle.

Football players were like modern day knights, I decided; and the game of football was the new chivalry.

This realization impressed me to the point that, from that day, I began to learn about the game.

Mom almost always stayed out late on Friday and Saturday nights, sleeping for most of the day on Saturdays and Sundays. So, with no Allyson to monopolize the TV anymore, I was able to binge on football every weekend. What I saw confirmed my epiphany.

Each game was a battle. Head coaches were the generals, devising the strategy. The quarterbacks were the field commanders, who led the valiant knights against the enemy. The opposing knights employed certain tactics on every play. Some knights were heroes, and some were villains. Some of the teams were even named after historical warriors or badasses. Just in the pros, there were Cowboys, Redskins, Chiefs, Patriots, Buccaneers, Raiders, and Vikings. It was a thrilling, fascinating milleu.

PJ didn’t care much for sports. I began to drift away from him, hanging out, instead, with other boys who loved football. Outside of school, I played catch or a sandlot game whenever there was opportunity. In a very short amount of time I learned and understood the rules.

Prior to this phase of my life, there were times when other boys asked me to do these things, but I had no interest, and sucked at it when I did try. They told me to try throwing with my thumb on the laces, but I still couldn’t launch a spiral.

What a difference motivation makes. In less than a week after taking an interest, I could throw perfect spirals with accuracy. I still couldn’t punt very well, but for my age I had a cannon for an arm.

Soon I was part of “the football gang,” which included Jay, Rogellio, Lamont and Scott.

Football was soon all I could talk about. Uncle Si noticed my obsession, but didn’t have a problem with it as long as I trained hard.

I did train hard.

 

Once Uncle Si was satisfied with my footwork and stance, he taught me defensive skills. This included blocking, “slipping” punches, bobbing, weaving, and the art of simply maneuvering to keep out of range. This part of my training seemed to take forever, but he finally decided I was ready to start learning some offense.

First came the jab, then the cross, then the hook, then the uppercut. He made me practice them until it felt like my arms would fall off. Then he taught me how to put them together in combinations, emphasizing the jab over everything else. He had me practice in the mirror, and corrected mistakes in my form until I maintained good defensive posture even when executing a combination. Then he moved me to the bags.

I still had to skip rope and run my circuit drills, but now most of my training time was spent at the double end bag. This was an inflated bag suspended between one bungee cord above and one below. After you hit it once, it was hard to hit it again because of the way it bounced and oscillated. Thankfully, when Uncle Si saw I was getting too aggravated, he would move me to the heavy bag and let me take out my frustration on it.

In time, I got where I could judge how the double end bag would move, aim and time my punches to hit it repeatedly and consistently. And just as I was mastering it, Uncle Si pulled me off of it. He brought me into the roped-off area. I put my training gloves on, and my mouthpiece in. He wore punch mits. What we did wasn’t exactly sparring. He would catch my punches with the mits, but also take swipes at me I would have to duck or dodge. It was still just western boxing—hands only—but I was finally putting offense and defense together. The next time he had me work the double end bag, he had changed the bungee cords so it didn’t move in the exact same patterns I had grown used to. He did stuff like that a lot; and I assumed the purpose was just to cause me frustration. But what he didn’t tell me (and what I didn’t appreciate at first) was that I was learning to adapt quickly on the fly.

Uncle Si drove me home after training every night, and after Mom got the job at the jewelry store, he had begun feeding me, too. No more hotdogs, or meals composed of potato chips. My diet now consisted of a lot of green vegetables, with mostly beef for my protein.

I didn’t like all the vegetables, but I noticed the difference after just a week. Although I usually passed out from exhaustion after my evening shower, and slept like the dead through the night, I had a lot of energy after breakfast each morning.

That helped make me even better at football. But as that school year wound down, I was overcome with the hunger for real football. Sandlot just wasn’t enough.

UPDATE:  This book is published! Click here to buy on Amazon.

Click here to buy anywhere else.

 

Privateer Episode 6

…Is live on Arkhaven.

Due to my inability to find a dependable artist, this will likely be the last one for a while. (It is all the drama I went through regarding this very subject that caused one of the longest delays in finishing my time-travel novel, BTW.).

Turning the Privateer script into a graphic novel has been like undertaking  a long road trip. After numerous mishaps and setbacks getting the car and driver ready, I finally got gassed up and ventured out–only to have my best driver yet pull over and abandon ship before we even reached the Interstate.

I may end up doing the driving myself.

Anyway, I’m working on getting the doorstop Great American Novel ready for primetime right now. I have a novel-length Honor Triad story I need to finish, but I’m not sure I will before I start pushing that graphic novel boulder to the top of the hill again.

Next time, another chapter from Paradox.

Revised History: Hitler and Fascists

Since before Donald Trump took office, we’ve been repeatedly informed that he is “literally Hitler” and that his supporters are fascists at best, Nazis at worst.

This is a little confusing, because I’d been previously informed by a high school biology teacher that Ronald Reagan was literally Hitler. That’s three separate individuals who are all the same person: Trump, Reagan, and presumably Hitler himself.

Of course it all makes sense if you watch enough Star Trek. Obviously some malevolent entity that first possessed Jack the Ripper later possessed these three evil historic villains.

“And anybody who disagrees with us is a fascist!”

Um, did I say “evil”? Of course all woke people know there’s actually no such thing as good or evil. The only people who believe in such outdated, puritan concepts as evil are evil religious-right demagogues. So Hitler wasn’t truly eeee-veel, he was just insane. If only his school teachers had identified his mental illness and pumped him full of psychotropic drugs, that would have fixed everything.

“But wait,” say the millennials and Generation Z, “who is Hitler? Wasn’t he supposed to be this, like, really mean guy or something?”

Well, even though it’s like, totally lame to think, talk, or read about anything that happened more than six months ago, we maybe should randomly empower you with some woke info on this paranormal force of evil meanness that just so happened to control some ancient, like, European dude with a funny mustache.

We should start with Socialism…this totally amazing system where:

  1. Everybody is disarmed except the police and armed forces.
  2. Genocide can be efficiently implemented when necessary.
  3. Children must attend state-controlled schools and be programmed to believe The Narrative without question.
  4. A progressive, graduated income tax keeps the non-ruling class equally miserable.
  5.  Careless speech (or even suspected thoughts) will result in dissenters vanishing, never to be seen again.
  6.  The state owns and controls all business and industry.

But along came this dude named Mussolini who instituted a system that was TOTALLY, 100% OPPOSITE!!!!!!!!! (And therefore wrong.) Just look at how utterly distinct Fascism is from Socialism in every way:

  1. Everybody is disarmed except the police and armed forces.
  2. Genocide can be efficiently implemented when necessary.
  3. Children must attend state-controlled schools and be programmed to believe The Narrative without question.
  4. A progressive, graduated income tax keeps the non-ruling class equally miserable.
  5.  Careless speech (or even suspected thoughts) will result in dissenters vanishing, never to be seen again.
  6.  The state controls all business and industry, although symbolic private ownership is still tolerated.

Now, can you see how socialism is a moral, Utopian ideal which leads to paradise, while fascism is just so…um…like, unwoke?

And now you can see how “Antifa” is legit and TOTALLY UNLIKE the blackshirted mobs in 1920s Italy that threatened and attacked anyone who disagreed with their politics.

Alright, so let’s talk about this Hitler guy.

He was like a deplorable combination of Ron Paul and Ted Cruz. If he was here, he’d so be a member of the NRA, the Tea Party and Gamergate. He would do really mean, backwards things like broker peace between North and South Korea, recognize Jerusalem as the capital of Israel (and move his country’s embassy there), and deregulate industry (because, y’know, he just hated micromanaging and being in control).

Oh yeah–he would do undignified, unpresidential things like tweet on Twitter, too. (FDR on the other hand, being dignified and presidential, would continue to hold his Fireside Chats on the radio in 2018.)

And that’s the approved, official, credible, trustworthy, fact-checked history. Anything else is fake history according to Facebook, Google, and the Southern Poverty Law Center.

(Until further notice.)

Stick It to Big Brother

Below is a link to the petition for the Internet Bill of Rights. If you want to stop the Leftist Thought Police from censoring everything that doesn’t agree with their Narrative, you really need to get on board.

https://petitions.whitehouse.gov/petition/internet-bill-rights-2

Do you want a few monopolies like Goolag, FascistBorg and Twatter to determine what information can be published and what can’t?

They’ve avoided anti-trust litigation by lobbying their fellow travelers in government to designate them as utilities. Then they censor and purge those who express non-leftist political opinions. In other words, they are denying utility services to people for political reasons.

Contrast this with say, private bakeries choosing who they will bake wedding cakes for (the worst atrocity since the Holocaust!). The Thought Cops have made this bed–they should be forced to lay in it.

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

  • First Amendment to the Constitution of the United States of America

Timeless – A Review

While watching NASCAR (almost the only TV viewing I still practice) I saw the preview for this new series. Being a sucker for time-travel tales, I decided to give the pilot episode a try against my better judgment.

The premise of this first episode is that some bad guys hijack a time machine and go back to the Hindenburg disaster to alter history for their own nefarious purposes. A trio of good guys are assembled to go back after them and stop said nefarious plan. Chaos ensues, the prime Directive is violated (for those of you who speak Trekkie), and history is altered anyway, though the bad guys are kinda’ thwarted, to an extent. And as a result…okay, I’ll stop with the spoilers.

The trio of good guys consists of a female historian, a black engineer, and a white delta force veteran. I know what some of you are thinking, but at least there is a variation from the standard SJW Narrative right there: they did not choose to insert the ubiquitous amazon superninja into the role of the “combat specialist.”

timeless

Well and good, but the Delta veteran, on this very first assignment, lets his emotions jeopardize the mission. You would think somebody who made it into Delta, and survived it, would have a whole lot more discipline than this guy, but you can only expect so much from Hollywood.

The other elements of the series are more predictable. I don’t buy any plot line in which the Department of Fatherland Homeland Security are the good guys, or have any altruistic motives whatsoever. Yeah, there may be some “good people” working in the Alphabets, including the DHS, just as I’m sure there were “good people” in the Wermacht and the Red Army.

What would offend “alt right” bloggers the most is that the super-secret techno-creative team who designed and built the time machines seems to be staffed exclusively by women and minorities. Because, you know, there are no white male scientists (rather, they are ‘over-represented in the real world, so the Television Fantasy Factory must compensate).

And more obligatory Race Narrative: the black engineer spews commentary about how racist America is and always has been. (That must explain why he’s an engineer instead of a janitor; why the US fought a war that freed the slaves; and why so many Africans have and still come to the USA of their own free will.)

The most nauseating item, for me, is when the historian speculates about the motives of the bad guys: something to the effect that “they want to destroy America in its infancy.”

How very telling. The America I know was born in 1776 and organized as a constitutional republic where government’s purpose is to protect the inalienable rights of the people. The America they believe in was evidently born during the New Deal. ‘Nuff said.

Next.

Mad Maxine and the Culture War

Andrew Klavan has weighed in on the destruction reboot of Mad Max. The reaction to this flick could be fairly summed up as “A Tale of Two Worldviews.”

It would appear that the $200 million social conditioning tool is flopping—actually being outperformed by the sequel to some heretofore forgettable chick-flick about a singing group. (There must be some blog-worthy irony in a Grrrl Power flick targeted at guys losing out to a Grrrl Power flick for girls, but I’ll let somebody else report on that.)

However, if you perform an Internet search, you’ll find all the “mainstream” (left-wing) sources claiming that Max is strong at the box office. “Nyah-nyah! In your FACE, all you misogynistic naysayers! Your Y-Chromosome Ilk are falling for the brilliant bait-and-switch all according to plan!”

Andrew Klavan brings up a point that is related to part of Virtual Pulp’s mission (contesting the left’s monopoly on the culture):

As long as you conservatives stay on the sidelines, the left will win the culture and the culture wars.  As long as you refuse to build a critical and award-giving infrastructure to celebrate great liberty-loving works, as long as you praise only G-rated films while watching the R-rated ones in secret, as long as you dismiss freedom-supporting art because it’s naughty or contains violence and sex or four-letter words or sympathetic gay characters…

Boy, Klavan was really going in! Then he had to slip in the obligatory “gay” element.  Sorry Andrew: you can sneak mushrooms, onions, and even hot sauce into my bowl and, if the stew was tasty enough to begin with, I’ll dodge my spoon around those unwanted ingredients. But when you plop in steaming heaps of dogshit, I not only won’t eat the stew (or drink the Kool-Aid), but I will no longer trust the cook, either.

…or whatever makes you wrinkle your righteous little nose — as long as you do those things, the left will continue to use the culture to eat away the free earth beneath your feet.

And now Klavan has sufficiently recovered from his Pavlovian pander to the pervert lobby. His sights swing back on the target and he mauls it with a sledgehammer:

The results are already plain to see. Only a nation in which the left had monopolized the arts for 50 years could have elected a mean-spirited little anti-American incompetent like Barack Obama to the presidency while honestly believing him a messiah bringing Hope and Change. Only a nation that has been taught to believe what Shelby Steele calls “poetic truth” over actual truth could make that stupid a mistake. We learned to believe the Obama mythology at the movies.

For decades, feministas and white knights have been slipping their amazon superninja fantasies into action adventures. To a large degree, this has had the desired effect. More men have been assimilated into white-knighthood and the ridiculous ideas planted into the subconscious from entertainment have convinced people, for instance, that women in the military—even in the combat arms—is a great idea.

But this isn’t enough. Now the cultural programmers are trying to take it a step further. They’re gonna take an iconic hero, put his name on the marquis to draw fans in, then shove him to the sidelines to showcase the amazon superninja trope that they really care about, mix in plenty of explosions as camouflage, and assume you’re too stupid to notice their bait-and-switch.

Movies like this are an attempt at a transition. What they really wish we would do is make blockbuster successes out of overt feminista flicks like Tank Girl, Barbed Wire and Elektra, without needing to be tricked. Until then, though, they’ll hijack the heroic icons that have earned our admiration, to try programming us into liking what they think we should like.

If they had the confidence they pretend (much less some artistic integrity), the Ministers of the Propaganda Corps would come up with their own stories and characters, instead of hijacking, say, a historical figure like Noah to pimp their bankrupt mythologies. Instead they fawn in masturbatory glee over Frank Miller introducing a female Robin, and Marvel giving Thor a sex-change.

What’s sad is, George Miller himself has assimilated to the point that he willingly ruined his own creation in order to prove himself a loyal conformist.

In the past, I might have gone to see the movie anyway, in hopes that something good accidently survived to the final cut.  But the truth is, we’ve all seen this movie a zillion times already, only with different titles, actors, and camera angles. And all the desperate hype from the Marxosphere about how great it is only confirms what we knew well before it was released. Fool me once, Hollywood…

I refuse to pay for a ticket to Fury Road precisely because I am a fan of Mad Max and The Road Warrior.

Looks like some other men are finally wising up, too

Why I Don’t Love Star Trek Anymore

I will love Star Trek no more, forever. It really pains me to say that. Like so many others I’ve spent ridiculous amounts of time parked in front of my television set watching Jim, Jean-Luc, and the others keep the Federation safe from tyranny. Unfortunately, if one grows and matures as he ages, the day comes when you realize that you’ve become part of the tyranny.

I can forgive the original series for its child-like naivety because it was a product of 1960s culture. But as the years went on and series followed series things didn’t change much. Even 90 some odd years beyond the Jim, Spock, and Bones era not only was 1960s liberalism still around, it had saved the Federation countless times and eventually was in the process of saving the galaxy. For those of us who are amazed that the country survived the 60s and 70s, it is a monumental gaffe that shatters our ability to suspend disbelief.

ultimate_star_trek

Once you’ve become aware of the immortal nature of 60s-style liberalism you begin to notice things about all of the various series. The Federation is allowed to take no action that might impact another culture, even if that action is necessary to promote the interests of the Federation or save someone’s life. Even oppressive and genocidal regimes were sacrosanct under the Prime Directive. In fact, most of the best stories required the characters to violate the Prime Directive. I don’t know about you, but to me this seems to devalue not only human life, but the lives of other sentient beings as well.

Then there are the not-too-subtle digs at some of the groups that I belong to. I find it too much of a coincidence that the uber-baddies of the galaxy are the Borg. Awesome villains to be sure and narrow-minded above and beyond the call of evil duty, but they strike a little too close to home for me. For instance, why is that they are all white? Why is that even when dark-skinned races are assimilated they still turn white? How come the evil Borg are so concerned with assimilation? Is it just a coincidence that this all-white group of evil-doers runs roughshod over everyone in its pursuit of universal assimilation? Seeing as how many Americans, me included, are frustrated by some immigrants’ refusal to assimilate into mainstream society, I don’t think so. I think this is a backhanded way of pushing the multiculturism agenda.

Rumors are unconfirmed that the Borg was inspired by the Democrat voter base.
Rumors are unconfirmed that the Borg was inspired by the Democrat voter base.

Finally, why is it that the Ferengi get no respect? I know they’re hard to take sometimes, but after four decades of the smarmy, latter-day summer-of-love, pseudo-enlightened assortment of alien races in the Federation, they are a welcome breath of fresh air. In fact, they’ve become my favorite Star Trek species. I think they deserve a break. After all, they’ve been severely punished by Star Trek writers for being the uber-capitalists of the quadrant. For their superlative business and economic skills they have been condemned to be short, scrawny, hideous, and fang-toothed with grotesquely distorted facial features. They’re cowardly and untrustworthy, even with family. I’ve always wondered why the sleazoid race of the galaxy couldn’t be a bunch of extraterrestrial Marxists or Islamofascist-like religious bigots. The poor Ferengi are even gratuitously sexist and keep their women naked all the time. (OK, so they allowed them one good quality.)

I stand by my original point. If you’ve ever listened to a liberal talk about the United States, it all sounds vaguely familiar.